I'm Growing Up I Guess?

I'm Growing Up I Guess?

I had no idea what to write for today’s post, but I knew that I wanted to sit down and write something, so I figured why not have a little ramble and get the things on my mind onto a page (or, you know… screen).  
You see, I mentioned in my project 2017 update that I’ve been super busy with University recently.  Yes, I have loads of work, and my blog has somewhat taken off and I have this new newspaper thing, but I’ve also been doing a lot more to do with my future… I’m actually looking into viable career options (which I might do a separate post on because English and Philosophy doesn’t really have a set path so it’s been real interesting), and internships and considering doing a masters and it’s all really exciting but simultaneously terrifying.  I like being prepared, and I like exploring my options, but there’s something about it now that all seems so… real.  
I did work experience in law firms and doctors surgery’s and even a food store in France during secondary school, but back then it was nothing more than simply testing the waters.  Now here I am, looking into internships and going to careers fairs and researching post graduate courses and I realise that one of these routes will become my life sooner than I know it… In less than a couple of years I could be working a 9-5 job and be out of the education system forever; my life will take the biggest shift it ever has and I’ll actually be fending for myself…
I mean, I know my parents, and I know that they’d never let me struggle, and would step in without a second thought if I can’t immediately support myself… but I’ll be in a position where I’ll have an annual income and will (eventually or right away, who knows) have to move out and pay for bills and rent and food (that aren’t aided by student finance like mine are at the moment).  I’ve been exploring actual jobs with actual titles that I have passions for that I never knew I had and they all seem so… adult.  I know I’m in my “twenties” now, and I know I’ve technically been an adult for two years, but do I feel any older than I did when I was 16?  No, not noticeably.
I’ve been privileged enough to always have a roof over my head and parents that would never let me go hungry.  Even through my last year and a bit of “independence” while studying in a different city, I still have that cushion of my family home in London to head back to anytime I need it.  No, growing older doesn’t mean that I have to stop visiting this home, but it does mean that I’ll soon have to find a place for my own, and actually have a real sense of proper independence, as opposed to the somewhat illusion of it that I have now.
I know that it’s all happening, and I see examples of it all the time.  I was catching up with one of my blogger friends a few days ago (if you’re reading this heyyyy) and she’s the same age as me and has just bought a house with her long term boyfriend.  It’s amazing and I’m so happy for her, but it doesn’t make sense to me that that’s perfectly normal behaviour for someone of my age now.  I have other friends that are saving up for buying a house straight out of Uni next year, and have mapped out their career paths and my brain just can’t fathom it properly.  I know I’m older, and I know that this is the direction that I’m heading in, but I still feel like this tiny child that needs her parents to hold her hand through everything.  I don’t even feel close to a stage where I need to think about moving out of my parent’s house permanently… but it’s gonna happen, and it may happen sooner than I think.
Time waits for nobody – I don’t think I truly understood the gravitas of that statement until recently.  I’m getting older, I’m gonna have to sort out my life, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.  Don’t get me wrong, I am excited for what’s to come, and I’m not sure I’ll ever truly feel “ready”, sometimes it’s just a matter of plunging head first into things and hoping that it all works out.  
Hope you enjoyed this, sometimes the most therapeutic thing for me is to just get what I’m feeling out in the open.  How do you feel about the future?  Where are you in life?  Feel free to tell me in the comments!
Lots of love,
Jas xx
 
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5 Comments

  1. October 18, 2017 / 10:18 am

    This sure is a big relatable mood my dude… adulthood is exciting when I’m looking at it and thinking of friends or himym but I see people my age getting engaged, married, pregnant, moving out and I’m like uhhhhhh that doesn’t seem like it’s on my horizon at all? But? It objectively is??? Weirdddddd

  2. October 18, 2017 / 4:05 pm

    Haha it’s all really terrifying and simultaneously numbing and i don’t know how I feel about it
    Jas xx

  3. josypheen
    October 18, 2017 / 8:16 pm

    Have you thought about doing something like the JET program and exploring the world a little before you settle into a job?
    I have soooo many friends that did this. It is a good way to be paid, see the world

    • josypheen
      October 18, 2017 / 8:19 pm

      (oops, I pressed enter too early)
      …and work out what you want to do. The other really good thing is there is such a massive, supportive alumni association, that when/if you decide to come back to the UK it is much easier to find work that if you try straight out of uni. 😉
      https://www.jet-uk.org/

      • October 18, 2017 / 9:36 pm

        I haven’t looked into it but I might! It sounds like something I could be interested in!
        Jas xx

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