Last year I felt down a lot of the time. Life is never easy and it’s never one constant stream of happy, and I’ve learnt to accept the string of emotions over time… But it doesn’t mean they get much easier. I monitored these happy and sad moments through my Project 2017 series, in which I attempted to remain positive, and I won’t lie it did make a huge difference for me. It was great to be able to use my little online space to vent and to explore my own emotions in a place where I could accurately put it into words.
However, 2017 is over, and thus so is the series, but I like being raw and vulnerable on here, so I wanted a place for that to continue. Enter this brand new series: How’s life?
This is the first time since wayyyy before Christmas (I’d probably say since back in September) that I’ve actually had a moment to breathe. I’ve been focused on Uni work, and extra reading and Christmas festivities and exams and coursework that I’ve found myself jumping from task to task to task. However, I finished exams last Thursday, handed in my last essay yesterday, and my second term doesn’t start for a week and a half, so I actually have some time to put my focus elsewhere, and well… I’m not taking it well.
I’ve been questioning myself, my goals and my direction recently, because, as I have mentioned many times, I’ve changed a lot in the last two years, in every aspect. I find that the goals I had when I first started University don’t necessarily coincide with the goals and things that I find myself prioritising now. There’s nothing wrong with that: in fact I’d say that nowadays I’m a more fully-fledged person than I was before I started University. However, this change has messed with my mind quite a lot…
Being home for Christmas was so indescribably perfect; I am incredibly fortunate to have the most amazing parents and sister and everything was so great and it made going back to University so much harder. Don’t get me wrong, I love independence, and I’ve come and gone so much now that it shouldn’t be that big a deal. However, leaving home this time felt so much different. Since starting this blog, I’ve re-awakened my passion for writing and the opportunities that I’ve got since I started my blog has made me realise that University isn’t necessarily the only option for me. Don’t get me wrong, I in no way am planning to be a full-time blogger – I don’t think I could ever do that permanently because I like to do a million things at once and switch things up and if I had a job where I didn’t have to leave my house, trust me, I would never ever leave my house. I’ve just been doubting whether this degree is really what I want in my life.
I’ve never really had doubts about anything academia related until now. I was always a child that thrived off of revision and essays and grades, and University always seemed like the obvious option. Therefore, when my mind started questioning that I lost control for a moment, and questioned everything in my life and got ready to turn it all upside down. Every time I have a breakdown it feels like the end of the world: I question every decision and action I’ve made and I try and blame them for everything wrong in my present life, which turns into a whole cycle of self-deprecation… However, after a while, I’m able to breathe, take a moment (Usually triggered by a call from my mum), and remind myself that things are going to be okay. I have so much good in my life, regardless of the bad, and I’m alive, and I have so many opportunities around me and things will be fine.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the bad and forget the good, but I’m slowly getting better at reminding myself of the good. I have a good life. I have time to figure things out. Things are gonna be fine. Things are gonna be okay.
Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think of this new series! I really love these raw open posts and I’m looking forward to writing more of them!
Lots of love,
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Hey, I'm Jasmine Burke. A girl in her twenties fresh out of Uni that's trying to write in any way that she can. I go under the branch of "lifestyle" but honestly, you can find pretty much anything on here.
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