How's Life? | Edition 1

How's Life? | Edition 1

Last year I felt down a lot of the time.  Life is never easy and it’s never one constant stream of happy, and I’ve learnt to accept the string of emotions over time… But it doesn’t mean they get much easier.  I monitored these happy and sad moments through my Project 2017 series, in which I attempted to remain positive, and I won’t lie it did make a huge difference for me.  It was great to be able to use my little online space to vent and to explore my own emotions in a place where I could accurately put it into words.
However, 2017 is over, and thus so is the series, but I like being raw and vulnerable on here, so I wanted a place for that to continue.  Enter this brand new series: How’s life?
This is the first time since wayyyy before Christmas (I’d probably say since back in September) that I’ve actually had a moment to breathe.  I’ve been focused on Uni work, and extra reading and Christmas festivities and exams and coursework that I’ve found myself jumping from task to task to task.  However, I finished exams last Thursday, handed in my last essay yesterday, and my second term doesn’t start for a week and a half, so I actually have some time to put my focus elsewhere, and well… I’m not taking it well.
I’ve been questioning myself, my goals and my direction recently, because, as I have mentioned many times, I’ve changed a lot in the last two years, in every aspect.  I find that the goals I had when I first started University don’t necessarily coincide with the goals and things that I find myself prioritising now.  There’s nothing wrong with that: in fact I’d say that nowadays I’m a more fully-fledged person than I was before I started University.  However, this change has messed with my mind quite a lot…
Being home for Christmas was so indescribably perfect; I am incredibly fortunate to have the most amazing parents and sister and everything was so great and it made going back to University so much harder.  Don’t get me wrong, I love independence, and I’ve come and gone so much now that it shouldn’t be that big a deal.  However, leaving home this time felt so much different.  Since starting this blog, I’ve re-awakened my passion for writing and the opportunities that I’ve got since I started my blog has made me realise that University isn’t necessarily the only option for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I in no way am planning to be a full-time blogger – I don’t think I could ever do that permanently because I like to do a million things at once and switch things up and if I had a job where I didn’t have to leave my house, trust me, I would never ever leave my house.  I’ve just been doubting whether this degree is really what I want in my life.
I’ve never really had doubts about anything academia related until now.  I was always a child that thrived off of revision and essays and grades, and University always seemed like the obvious option.  Therefore, when my mind started questioning that I lost control for a moment, and questioned everything in my life and got ready to turn it all upside down.  Every time I have a breakdown it feels like the end of the world: I question every decision and action I’ve made and I try and blame them for everything wrong in my present life, which turns into a whole cycle of self-deprecation… However, after a while, I’m able to breathe, take a moment (Usually triggered by a call from my mum), and remind myself that things are going to be okay.  I have so much good in my life, regardless of the bad, and I’m alive, and I have so many opportunities around me and things will be fine.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the bad and forget the good, but I’m slowly getting better at reminding myself of the good.  I have a good life.  I have time to figure things out.  Things are gonna be fine.  Things are gonna be okay.
Thanks for reading!  Tell me what you think of this new series!  I really love these raw open posts and I’m looking forward to writing more of them!
Lots of love,
Jas xx
 
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10 Comments

  1. January 17, 2018 / 4:17 pm

    I can relate with this post so much. I always wanted to get away from home and when I left for good this last time, it was so so so hard, like harder than I had ever imagined it would be. I loved going to college, it was when I felt like I could shine more because I delved myself into coursework so much I didn’t have to think about anything else. Now that it’s over, I found a new love in blogging and it’s been going so well. I hope 2018 treats you well, brings you lots of positivity and love 🙂

    • January 17, 2018 / 5:39 pm

      I’m so glad you can relate, it’s a lot harder than it looks. I hope 2018 treats you well too!
      Jas xx

  2. January 17, 2018 / 6:54 pm

    I completely relate! My priorities and things I want have changed so heavily in the course of just the past year for that I’ve found myself freaking out because I’m not sure what to do. I’ve always thought taking care of kids was what I wanted, but the more I write, the more I realize how much I LOVE doing it! And once I started this blog it became even worse and I became even more wanting to do this! I may even think becoming a full time writer (rather that’s with my blog or something else) may actually be my true passion. But it’s hard for me to change everything I’ve already planned doing for my life. It’s intimidating even! This is a great post! You’re an amazing writer and you should trust yourself! I am glad you are able to step back and realize it’s all gonna work out. Because it will 🙂

    • January 18, 2018 / 3:42 am

      Awwwww thank you so much! Your writing is also great and I reckon that if you wanted to take it full time in some form you definitely could! I always feel like my life has to be planned out 100% now but the truth is we have so much time! It will work out for both of us, this will be our year 🙂
      Jas xx

  3. January 18, 2018 / 9:44 am

    i love vulnerability with friends it’s such a mood, tbh i fully have faith that wherever you jump you’ll land on your feet or even if you fell you could get back up! 2018! it’s gonna be AAAAYtastic

    • January 18, 2018 / 11:03 am

      Awwwww ❤️❤️ thank you so much! This year’s gonna be great we got this
      Jas xx

  4. January 21, 2018 / 3:32 am

    I love the honesty in this post. It’s so real and I can relate to a number of things you’ve said–questioning my place in college, really feeling the ups and downs in life…Push through it girl! You’ll figure things out, and it doesn’t have to all make sense at this exact moment. Just keep finding the things you enjoy and exploring who you are. Like you said, you have time. Happy 2018! I hope this year brings you a sense of peace and lots of good feelings.

    • January 23, 2018 / 12:23 am

      Thank you Lola! I hope this year brings you peace too!
      Jas xx

  5. thenorthleftblog
    January 22, 2018 / 8:26 am

    I really like the more raw, open posts too. I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time and feeling down. I can relate! I’m glad you seem to have a positive attitude about it though, and some supportive people around.
    Just take your time, and be kind to yourself! xx
    http://www.thenorthleft.co.uk

    • January 23, 2018 / 12:25 am

      Thanks so much lovely! I’m glad you enjoyed this post and thanks for your kind words, I’m hanging in there 🙂
      Jas xx

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