How's Life? | Everything, all at Once

How's Life? | Everything, all at Once

I am exhausted.
That’s nothing new; I survive on around 4 hours of sleep a night, I don’t really do the whole coffee thing, and I spend a lot of the time moving around doing things.  However, I think I’ve reached a whole new level of exhaustion and it’s incredibly overwhelming.
There was a moment last night where I was lying in bed, thinking of how many things are on my hypothetical to-do list, and all I wanted to do was shrivel up into a hole and do nothing.  However, I can’t shrivel up into a hole.  I have responsibilities, and deadlines and nothing’s allowed to stop until summer, so I just have to deal with it… and it’s becoming increasingly difficult.
It shouldn’t be like this… Due to the University tutor UCU strikes, I haven’t had lectures or seminars in over 3 weeks.  Most people are doing nothing and enjoying their free time, and yet I have been busier than I have ever been.  I’ve been between Bristol and London almost every single weekend; I’m travelling between the two for the next two weeks again.  I’ve had birthdays and events and essays and social media upkeep (Which sounds really shallow, but when it’s a vital part of your blog traffic, it means a lot).  I’ve been a terrible friend, and disassociated in a lot of social situations, and every time a friend private messages me for a “catch up” I’ve felt like I don’t have the time to discuss my life, because then I’m already behind where I’m supposed to be.
My life right now is a whirlwind, and it’s hard to tell whether I’m actually experiencing it or merely floating through.  What was once a hobby because I liked to write now has the equivalent amount of hours as a full time job,  and when you have to manage that with an editorial position, an in-term internship, and University work (Because apparently, even though I’m not being taught I still have to catch up and go through all the books and lecture slides myself), it becomes incredibly overbearing.  However, the issue is that I don’t want to stop.  It’s gotten to the point where my blog is what I care deeply about, and what I’m actually passionate about doing and University has become a necessity that’s just kind of going on in the background.  Honestly, I feel like a lot of that comes from the fact that, as I said, I haven’t had lessons in over 3 weeks, so I’m finding it hard to form the same attachments and enthusiasm for my course.
I feel downtrodden and like all the energy has been beaten out of me, but I have to keep going.  I don’t have “time off” until exams are over, and even then, the energy has to be put into levelling up my blog, because that’s the only real time I have to dedicate to it.  Am I addicted to work?  Possibly.  Am I floating through my life and not actually living it?  I think I might be… and that part terrifies me the most.
I don’t know, I’ve never felt this… out of it before.  I plan to work through it, but again, I don’t really know when I’ll have the time to.  I guess I’m just really thankful for the friends and family that stick through it all; they support me even when I ignore messages (Not on purpose, just because life is so intense right now), and still smile as I pop in and out of their lives.  I’m trying to be there for everyone but I’m spread so thin right now and its hard, so I have so much appreciation for everyone that’s sticking in.
This was such a ramble, but this is what this series is for…  Life isn’t always easy and I want to show that it’s okay to rant about the bad as well as the good, so that’s exactly what I’m doing.  I need to take a step back and take a breath, but who knows when I’ll have the time?  We’ll see.
How are you doing at the moment?  Let me know in the comments!
Lots of love,
Jas xx
 
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13 Comments

  1. March 14, 2018 / 11:50 am

    I feel the exact same way. If it isn’t one thing, it really is the other, and you so want to move forward in life and be successful and achieve everything you set out to! Maybe rethink some of your priorities? I heard that helps somewhat.

    • March 14, 2018 / 12:35 pm

      Yeah I’m in the midst of prioritising at the moment! The problem is that my priorities don’t seem to fit in with where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing right now (If that makes sense). Hope you’re okay!
      Jas xx

      • March 14, 2018 / 1:33 pm

        Hmmmm – maybe that means you need to change what you’re doing? I wouldn’t know, though! What I realised for myself was, I was doing menial little things that got in the way of bigger, more important things. Once I did away with those things, life became a little less overwhelming! I do hope you begin to catch up soon, and feel better <3

  2. March 14, 2018 / 1:30 pm

    I feel this. I wrote down everything I need to get done this week yesterday and the list was crazy long!! Hope we both get through it all in one piece!
    Bridget
    https://thebridy.com

    • March 14, 2018 / 1:33 pm

      Good luck with getting through your list! We can both do this!
      Jas xx

  3. March 14, 2018 / 3:11 pm

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling more than a bit overwhelmed. I know the feeling. You should definitely try to take an hour or so of just doing nothing. That hour will make the world of a difference. I know you’re struggling now, but you will make it past this, and come out stronger than you were before. I’m here if you need to vent a lil more 🙂 xx
    Melina | http://www.ivefoundwaldo.com

    • March 14, 2018 / 3:15 pm

      Thank you so much! Honestly I may have to take an hour to myself soon, as it’s getting quite hard to deal with it all. And honesty thank you for reaching out, I may take it up with you at some point 😉
      Jas xx

    • March 14, 2018 / 5:43 pm

      Thank you! Will look at your post later as I love self care!
      Jas xx

  4. March 14, 2018 / 7:40 pm

    I completely get how you feel – at uni it can all get on top of you and once one thing is done, another 3 things come into your head to do! Just remember that taking time for yourself isn’t going to do any harm and you can still get the work done – even if it’s half an hour just to sit with a cuppa! Hope you feel better soon 💗

    • March 14, 2018 / 8:19 pm

      Thank you my love! I’ve taken a break this evening and I feel a lot more relaxed ❤️
      Jas xx

  5. March 16, 2018 / 8:59 pm

    This post spoke to my soul. It echoed some of my inner struggles I’ve also been dealing with. People always say to relax or to stop spreading yourself too thin. The problem is that I WANT to do all of these things that I am trying to do. I am glad that you took some time to break and relax! I know how important that is. You are doing awesome things! I just know from experience lately how easy it is to get caught up and forget to stop and enjoy it, too. Don’t forget to enjoy the ride and I will try to do the same! We got this!! 🙂 – Gabriella

    • March 16, 2018 / 9:07 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment! Honestly I’m in the same position with the fact that I like everything and don’t want to give anything up. I hope you have time to take a break too, honestly we both got this!
      Jas xx

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