Every so often, when talking to people, I’ll receive some iteration of the statement
“Wow, you’ve really got your life together!”
And yes, I suppose I see how it may look like that; I maintain a blog, a YouTube channel, often travel between London and Bristol for events, keep up my grades and deputy editorial roles for a section of my Uni’s newspaper. To an outsider, it may seem like I magically balance everything and am just one of those people that “has it all”, but honestly it is the complete opposite, and every time I hear that I feel like a fraud.
In all honesty, most of the time I’m running around like a headless chicken. Yes, I’m doing a lot of things, but I also tend to spread myself too thin. I want to do and have everything but, more often than not, that leads to poor prioritisation and a frequent and unhealthy level of exhaustion. I in no way “have my life together yet”, in fact, it is quite the contrary. I spend every single day stumbling through this stage of my life, making mistake after mistake and learning how to manage my life a little bit more everyday.
Whenever I hear someone describe me as any word related to “organised” or “together” it baffles me; I suppose knowing myself and what I get up to and how my mind works, it just doesn’t make sense to me. However, then I look to what I’m outwardly projecting online, and I suppose that the internet version of me (Social Jas, if you will) does seem relatively put together. Social media allows us to present this idealised image of ourselves online… We’re allowed to create this gallery of the happy moments, with fabricated poses and smiles in front of bright backgrounds with smiley faces. We communicate our joy with the rest of the world, and, whilst I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with this, you can’t deny that with social media comes this altered perception of you…
For me that’s a girl that seems calm, happy and smiley. She goes to events, she balances uni work and she seems super happy all the time. This isn’t my reality: most of the time I’m messy and confused and honestly quite lazy. There will be days where I lock myself away from everything and everyone and shut down, and there will be days where I’m bubbly and smiley and social… The only difference is that one of these versions of me never makes it online. Am I lying to the world by only portraying this one version? Maybe, but definitely not on purpose. Ultimately, it doesn’t come down to me trying to portray this “perfect” image of myself, it’s a lot simpler than that. I take pictures when I’m happy, have energy, and want to capture the moment, and I don’t take them when I don’t feel like that. I don’t try to create a certain version of myself online, I simply share when I feel like sharing, and that creates this false ideal.
I guess none of us really see the version of ourselves that we outwardly project, and so sometimes people’s perceptions can seem surprising. I’d love to be the version of myself that people see, and hopefully one day I will be. Everyday, I try and become a better version of myself, and though it may be a slow process, it’s one that I intend to persist with.
What are your thoughts on your outward perception? Let me know in the comments!
Lots of love,
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