Is this oversharing? Is this the kind of blog content that you’ve come to expect? Who knows, but writing is really cathartic for me and I’m trying to stop straying away from content that isn’t “perfect”. I feel like the further you get sucked into the internet world, the harder it is to stop yourself focusing on that perfect aesthetic and ground yourself in your imperfect reality.
My mind right now is not in the best state, but the good thing is that I’m aware of it. My mind is filled with these self-deprecating thoughts, but I can recognise them as bad and temporary, and ground myself in the knowledge that they need to be taken with a pinch of salt. Nothing I do feels good enough at the moment (Whole post on that here) and it’s made me feel really worthless… It’s like I have the capacity to do more than I’m doing and yet I’m stopping myself from achieving it.
I don’t quite know what the problem is. Do I need recognition? Do I need a pat on the back? I started all of this for myself, none of that should matter, and I’m not even sure that it does… I’m honestly not really sure what matters to me at the moment, I just know that I need to do morethan I’m doing. I’m currently stuck in this weird limbo where I want to improve everything, but have no time to do it (Exams are right around the corner and that is… great). I have this constant need for improvement and, whilst it motivates me to do better, I worry that it will leave me with a constant feeling of inadequacy.
It hasn’t helped that, with exams, I haven’t had as much time to work on my blog as I would have liked to, and so I’m not seeing the progress that I want. I know that the second the summer starts I can put my heart and soul into it, but for now it’s really discouraging.
I don’t even know if this post makes sense at this point; my stress is making it harder to articulate words. But I’m going to get through this. I will get through this. This is only a little bump in the road.
How are you doing at the moment? Let me know in the comments!
Lots of love,
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Hey, I'm Jasmine Burke. A girl in her twenties fresh out of Uni that's trying to write in any way that she can. I go under the branch of "lifestyle" but honestly, you can find pretty much anything on here.
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