Am I Ashamed of my Blog?

Am I Ashamed of my Blog?

I have been blogging for almost a year and a half now.  In that time I have gained 3800 followers, now regularly attend events and have collaborated with a variety of amazing brands.  People read my words, and they stick around to read more of them.  I literally grew this whole thing from nothing in a year and a half… and yet I still find it hard to feel proud of myself.  Why is that?
Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly proud, and sometimes I have moments where I’m like “Wow.  I did this.  And I kept this going.”  I’m happy to discuss it with my close friends and family and I try and involve my friends in the form of events/PR that doesn’t work for me as much as I can.  However, when it comes to more distant people I know, I hate even mentioning the fact that I have a blog, let alone taking pride in the fact that it exists.  My own attitudes became evident when people I know in person (that aren’t my close friends) follow me on Twitter or follow my blog Instagram, and a little part of my cringes inside.  Nobody has ever been horrible about it; some have even gone out of their way to tell me that they like what I’m doing, and that can be great to hear.  However, I still feel so awkward proudly talking about it, or talking about it at all, and I don’t know why.
Perhaps some of it comes from the fact that I’ve always been a bit awkward talking about myself.  It obviously doesn’t seem like it because that’s pretty much all that I do on here, but I’ve never been one to throw myself in the spotlight.  I remember starting year 10  at a new(ish, I started in the last term of year 9 but I was still relatively unknown) on my birthday and not saying a word; eventually someone in my form found out and asked “Well why didn’t you tell anyone?”  To me, the answer was simple… nobody needed to know, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that was a bit of a weird thing.  I’m not exactly a private person, and honestly the closer I am with you the more likely I am to overshare every single detail about my life, but when it comes to anybody else I get so scared that I’ll come across as braggy.  
I am so proud of everything I’ve accomplished; it’s been more than I ever thought I could, and yeah, some of the stuff I’ve been able to do as a result of it has been unbelievably cool.  However, that doesn’t change the fact that I cringe whenever somebody I’m not super close to brings my blog up in conversation, or follows me on Twitter/Instagram.  I shouldn’t be ashamed of it; everything I’ve done is a result of hard work and dedication, and yet a part of me still is.
I plan to be better at owning it, but it’s still going to take some time.  My confidence has skyrocketed from where it used to be pre-blog so I have confidence that I can get to a stage where I’m nothing but proud.  This is my blog.  I made this from scratch.  And that, in all honesty, is pretty unbelievable.
Hope you enjoyed this, just a bit of word vomit from my mind about a topic that’s been stressing me out for a while.  As I wrote in my last post, I’m officially back from summer, so I’m excited to get my blog properly back up and running!
Lots of love,
Jas xx
 
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24 Comments

  1. May 26, 2018 / 9:51 am

    I can agree that although im proud of my blog, i only really talk about it to my boyfriend and with anyone else it just feels so foregin to me. But congrats girl you’re doing amazing x

    • May 26, 2018 / 2:13 pm

      Thank you, as are you! I suppose it will all just take time
      Jas xx

  2. May 26, 2018 / 9:56 am

    Sometimes introverts find it easier to express themselves to strangers Jas. Blogging is pretty much like that and most people I know here are very understanding and supportive. They have to be because unlike reality you have to read the words closely to see what is being said. No body language or half listening, distractions or judging.
    I’m the same. I don’t tell people in my actual life where I live that I Blog or write. They don’t ask questions that are important to me so I don’t voluntarily give it. Most here (life) want to tell me about themselves. I therefore listen and engage from that perspective.
    You should be rightly proud of your achievements here too. Blogging is very good at building self confidence. Heck, when you post anyone anywhere in the world can read it! X

    • May 26, 2018 / 2:18 pm

      Thanks so much for the comment Gary, it was so lovely! Thank you, my confidence is slowly improving
      Jas xx

      • May 26, 2018 / 6:29 pm

        You’re welcome Jas. I find having been there helps me to support others now. I think you’re doing pretty well too! Just saying x

    • June 10, 2018 / 12:18 pm

      Beatific comment… I agree totally…

  3. May 26, 2018 / 10:35 am

    I sympathise completely with you. One feels shy of exposing oneself. My husband always proudly tells people to read my blog and I quickly downplay it all. Silly, isn’t it!

  4. May 26, 2018 / 2:08 pm

    I know you’re calling it a word vomit but I think it’s really nicely written. I very much relate to you – I was the same with birthdays! You have achieved so much though – you should be proud!! XX

    • May 26, 2018 / 2:19 pm

      Awwwww thank you Hebah! So have you, congrats on your award nomination!
      Jas xx

  5. May 26, 2018 / 4:27 pm

    I totally relate. Talking about my writing in any form is always so weird. Once in a while I’ll share my blog posts on Facebook, but even then it’s weird. The worst is when my parents bring it up to family and friends out of the blue. People are always so supportive but it’s uncomfortable to have to describe what I write about and what I’ve achieved. I don’t think this is something we’ll outgrow ever. I suspect some actors feel the same about movies they work on and whatnot!

  6. May 26, 2018 / 9:16 pm

    I completely agree with this – I’m proud of my blog and I put a lot of work into it, but I rarely talk about it and even get embarrassed to talk about it with my close friends because I just cringe! You’ve done so well and so many people enjoy reading your blog, you should definitely be proud xx

  7. May 27, 2018 / 1:40 pm

    I feel the same…i am blogging only for a while now but still feel proud that i get to share with others what i like…but it is still difficult to open up to people close to me so i keep it a secret from a lot…I know i have to build up my confidence and i guess after some time it would be easier to share it with close friends! At least i know that others feel the same with me! Keep up the great job and be proud of it!
    http://www.inthemilkytwilight.com

  8. insidemegansmind
    May 27, 2018 / 7:37 pm

    I haven’t told anyone about my blog yet because I really want to make it something I’m proud of, and it’s just not at that point yet. But even thinking about saying anything to anyone makes me a little nervous. I’ve never wanted to put myself in the spotlight either so why bring it up if nobody is asking. Once I’m ready to tell people, I’ll probably do it in a super subtle too. I didn’t do it because I wanted other people to know, I did it for myself. I loved hearing your thoughts!

    • May 30, 2018 / 2:20 pm

      I completely understand the nerves! And even when I tell people now it’s usually because I have to (e.g. explaining why I was at an event). You should be proud! But it definitely takes time – I’m not 100% there yet
      Jas xx

  9. May 27, 2018 / 9:16 pm

    Hi Jas!
    I have only recently been more open about my blog as I just didn’t feel confident about it in comparison to other people’s blogs! So this was very relatable for me!!
    I’m really loving your blog though and I’m glad I found it! Keep up the fab work!
    Claire xxx
    http://eclairscares.blogspot.co.uk/

  10. May 28, 2018 / 6:56 pm

    Once again I COMPLETELY relate. It is a little difficult for me to be open about my blog with people in my personal life that I’m not super close to. I have never thrown myself into the spotlight either. I haven’t been blogging for a year yet but I am getting pretty close and I’ve been slowly working on putting myself out there more and being more confident in my blog!

    • May 30, 2018 / 2:18 pm

      It really is a confidence booster isn’t it? Overtime we’ll grow more and more in confidence
      Jas xx

  11. June 11, 2018 / 2:42 pm

    Oh gosh Jas, I relate to this wayyyy to much! You are doing a phenomenal job and if you are self conscious I cant even tell. You will definitely get through it, it’s just a little fear of judgement which I am sure every blogger experiences. I cringe when I see a friend from high school follow my blog Instagram I’m like “ooh noo.. okay fine” haha. Thank you for sharing Jas! I love how open you are(:
    Nikki O.

    • June 15, 2018 / 4:09 am

      Thank you so much Nikki! I’m glad that you can relate, and I’m trying to do more open posts at the moment 🙂
      Jas xx

  12. June 19, 2018 / 11:59 pm

    This was such a good post! I can definitely relate to this. While sometimes I don’t care who reads my blog posts, I get so embarrassed when people bring them up to me in person, or people ask me to explain what I write about. I write about so many personal things, and for me it’s so nerve wrecking. Great post Jasmine ! I’m happy to hear that you’re now proud of your blog xxx
    Melina | http://www.melinaelisa.com

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