Since starting this blog, I’ve had an ongoing series called My Food Mentality. I use it to document my journey from healthy and unhealthy food patterns and disordered thinking to finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. However, it has been a while since I gave an update on everything, and I thought I’d explain why…
I’m Actually Okay?
In all honesty, this is the first time I’ve been incredibly comfortable with my body. I didn’t even realise that it had happened. I’m not exactly “skinny” or “toned”, and I definitely have a good amount of flab on me. I notice my flab and can pinpoint the areas where I want to reduce it. However, what’s different about my attitude this time, is that I can do all of this without hating myself and my current body.
I didn’t actually realise that I was at this stage until I started watching Love Island this year. Much like everyone else, I followed all the commentary on Twitter. I saw the massive debate take off on the lack of body diversity amongst the Islanders, and how the skinny girls were making a huge amount of people at home make damaging comparisons and adopt this unhealthy mentality. However, I realised that I felt none of it. I’ve been watching the girls with the amazing bodies… I know that they are a lot skinnier and more toned and have better boobs than me, and yet… I don’t care? I don’t feel like I’d look like a potato next to them. I’m aware I’d look different, but I’m happy with that difference and I’m happy with myself.
Exercise & Healthy Motives
It is, for that reason, that I’m finally able to get back into a steady exercise routine. Don’t get me wrong, I have been exercising occasionally over the past year. However, I had to keep it to a moderate rate. I’ve been attending the odd class or two and not pushing myself too hard because I know how quickly my mind develops a damaging desire to push myself too far. For that reason, I’ve shifted my focus onto exercising for fun instead of exercising to lose weight.
When it comes to working out, it’s important that you figure out what works for you mentally. Yes, physical health is important, but so is the mental health of the goals that you’re bringing into your gym. I no longer want to lose weight and get super skinny, I want to exercise for strength and toning. I want my body to be better physically for my own health, rather than my appearance. It’s okay to want a bit of both, but it’s so important that you examine your motives.
It’s taken me a long time (Around 7 years) to get here, and obviously everybody has their own journeys… There will probably still be times that I hate my body or I have incredibly negative thoughts, but that’s life, and I choose to focus on the positives. This is probably only the start of a whole new journey with my physical health and fitness, but I’m excited to see where it goes, and I’m hoping to track it on here.
Hope you enjoyed this post! I’m hoping to write more frequently about fitness (It probably still won’t be all that frequent… but more than I do now) so I would love your feedback!
Lots of love,