How’s Life | Kinda terrible

How’s Life | Kinda terrible

I was supposed to have an entirely different post out today, but I felt like I needed to get this out of my head, once and for all.  If you follow me on any social media you may already know this, but I have had a pretty terrible week.

I’m not going to go into major details, because it’s something I don’t really talk about on here, but I took a major hit.  I lost a friend (They’re not dead, they’re just not in my life anymore) that I thought that I would have forever, and that was hard to transition from.  However, as other people who have been there for me have noted, I dealt with this better than I usually do, and I could not be prouder of myself.

The Wallowing

For the first couple of days I was an absolute mess.  I did not leave my bed, I cried a lot, and I tried to spend as much time sleeping as possible.  I was in the kind of state of mind where I believed I would never feel better again, and no matter how many times I told myself that all it would take would be time, I didn’t believe it.

I had no motivation.  I’m behind with blog posts, I haven’t been creating new content, and I only went anywhere that I had an obligation to be at (e.g. Uni and Newspaper obligations).  I was in this little hole, and I was content staying there.  I was losing a lot of weight, I felt weak all the time, and it really felt like there was no way out.  I woke up every morning feeling like I was living some sort of numb nightmare.  However, 2 days ago, I woke up and I felt like the old me.  I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t longing for the past, I was genuinely okay.  It was official: I’d been through the motions.

The Recovery

I feel like the reason I got over it so quickly is because, for once in my life, I tackled it all logically.  The process was hard, but I constantly had to remember the following:

  • Out of sight, out of mind: It’s so easy to stalk someone on social media, but stop yourself.  I have been so tempted, but I didn’t because it’s better to just let them live their life and get on with living my own.
  • Things happen for a reason: With this kind of loss, it’s easy to paint an ideal picture of the past.  However, things can’t have been that ideal if they didn’t work out.  Remember the reasons that you’re better off now.  Let them push you through.
  • You’re allowed to be sad: Again, it’s easy to be spiteful and throw pictures and stories up on social media of you having an amazing time, in the hope that they’ll see it.  However, that’s not who I wanted to be.  It was healthier to take my time, do the wallowing and actually get over anything.  I’m not the kind of person to lie on social media.  If I post a picture that shows me having a good time, it’s because I am having a good time… Lying is effort.
  • Spite and anger isn’t worth it: I don’t have the energy to be spiteful and hate.  It’s too much effort and frankly, is time and effort that I don’t need to waste on somebody else.  At the end of the day, it’s better for my own wellbeing to be the bigger person and rise above.

Where am I at now?

Obviously, it’s only been a week and a bit, I’m not 100% back to myself.  However, I’m doing so much better.  I no longer have the desire to spend whole days in bed and my appetite is slowly coming back.  I’m going out and interacting with people again and I’m back to basic self-care.

Of course there will be moments of sadness from time to time.  I lost one of the longest and strongest friendships I had in my life.  However, I have no hate in my heart right now, and I don’t have the capacity or need to hold a grudge about it all.  I am happy with how I’ve handled it all and honestly, it’s only onwards and upwards from here.

So yeah, that’s where my mind’s at at the moment.  How are you doing?  Let me know in the comments!

Lots of love,

Jas xx

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17 Comments

  1. October 15, 2018 / 2:38 pm

    This must have been a difficult post to write. But I relate to so much of what you have said here. Having lost a number of friends over the years the grief that comes with this loss is so hard to overcome. Though it will get better ~ look after yourself x

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 15, 2018 / 2:40 pm

      Thank you so much. Honestly, though it was hard, I felt it was very therapeutic to get it down somewhere. I’m working on looking after myself at the moment, thank you ❤️

      Jas xx

  2. October 15, 2018 / 4:00 pm

    This happened to me just a couple of months ago. Im so sorry Jas. Ending a friendship is the most painful thing, i think it beats a romantic relationship beakup.. im glad your allowing yourself to go through all the feelings and healing. Here for you need if you want to vent (:.thanks for sharing.

    Nikki O.
    herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 15, 2018 / 4:45 pm

      Thanks Nikki <3 yeah you’re right, I find them so much harder than relationship breakups.

      Jas xx

  3. October 15, 2018 / 5:59 pm

    Rome wasn’t built in a day so don’t put pressure on yourself to feel 100% straight away x

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 15, 2018 / 6:29 pm

      Thank you so much ❤️❤️

  4. October 16, 2018 / 4:32 pm

    I hope you’re okay.Sending all the positivity and good vibes I can.Take care of yourself girl, I completely understand how terrible losing a friend feels.

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 17, 2018 / 8:18 pm

      Thank you my love <3

      Jas xx

  5. October 16, 2018 / 9:56 pm

    This year seems to have been the year of losing for me! I completely understand this post!

    My latest loss hit me harder than the rest but I guess I am healing. I hope you continue to feel great!

    •Bree

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 17, 2018 / 8:18 pm

      🙁 I hope that you’re able to get through it all. Healing takes time <3

      Jas xx

  6. October 17, 2018 / 8:47 pm

    A difficult post to write but everyone goes through hard-hitting things like this sometimes and we all need a bit of ‘wallowing’ to get out of it. Lovely post and can’t wait to read more on your blog lovely x

    Morgan

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 17, 2018 / 8:54 pm

      Thank you so much!

      Jas xx

  7. October 17, 2018 / 9:30 pm

    This post has got me all teary. Sending lots of hugs you way 🤗 😢 xx

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 17, 2018 / 9:34 pm

      Thank you my love <3

      Jas xx

  8. October 17, 2018 / 10:07 pm

    Can’t imagine how hard this post was to write, sending so many hugs your way lovely. Take some time out for yourself and treat yourself a little, don’t let your smile fall! <3

    • thoughtsfromjasmine
      Author
      October 17, 2018 / 10:08 pm

      Thank you so much love <3 I honestly have felt so much better since writing this. Slowly and surely returning to myself 🙂

      Jas xx

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