In the summer, after going self-hosted,
my blog took on a new lease of life. I was excited about everything I put out there, it all had my voice really well and I was overflowing with ideas and content. However for the last month or so my uploads have declined, my ideas have dried up and publishing posts is far more draining. I feel lost. And I don’t really know what to do. So, in true Jas fashion I’m writing about it.
I’m burnt out.
I knew that University was going to be hard this year. It’s my final year, the grades really matter and the work load is beyond intense. I’m really invested in extra-curricular activities and I seem to have a social life, plus all my deadlines are coming up and I am drowning.
I have not had a free day in over a month and honestly, if I did have a free day I would probably use it to catch up on blog posts, or Instagram photos… Days of “relaxing” just don’t exist.
Now I’m starting to get into essay writing and deadlines, I’ve realised that I’m burnt out.
It’s like all of my words and creativity are on strike and they won’t surrender until I give myself a break. However, in my mind, this has been my break. I didn’t upload as much as I would like to in October and I’ve barely touched my blog this October… To me, I’ve taken as much time off as I can. I need to jump back into it. But I haven’t really… It’s not like I just gave up and neglected my blog, I just haven’t had the time.
My last post was particularly hopeful,
and I still am hopeful. I’m the happiest I’ve been in over 6 months and I’m ready to throw my all into everything. The problem is that there’s too many things for me to throw my all into.
I’m spreading myself far too thinly and I’m aware of it, but I don’t know what to stop. If I were to list every one of my activities in order of enjoyment and what they bring to my life and cut out the bottom one, I’d end up cutting out my degree… And that’s the one that I definitely have to keep hold of. So I’m left in this weird loop of feeling like I can’t give anything my all, but also like I can’t give anything up.
I took October to focus on me and that was honestly the best thing that I could have done. I’ve realigned, I’m really content with everything I have going on, and I’ve made a whole tonne of healthy life choices which are already making a huge difference to my wellbeing. But November was supposed to allow me a chance to get back into my blog, and… I’m struggling.
I’m not giving up.
I can’t give it up. I love it too much. I’m so proud of this little thing I built all by myself because of a spur of the moment decision. I just feel a little… disconnected at the moment. I don’t have the time that I had in the summer to reply to comments or read other people’s blogs or regularly engage with the people that I absolutely adore. It makes me feel really weird sometimes because I feel like such a fake, flakey person and I know that that’s not me. I just think I need to get that spark back, or at least find a way to push past it.
I have some plans of posts that I want to get up. I kind of know where I’m going from here. However, I refuse to write things that don’t carry my voice, and lately I’ve started posts that just don’t sound like me. I want everything to appear genuine, and I never publish anything that doesn’t. However, this November, it’s means that I haven’t really published that much at all…
I can’t tell you how often posts are gonna come (Except for Wednesday’s post… I’ve already written Wednesday’s post),
but writing this has already helped me feel more in tune with my blog. I’m getting right back on that horse and I hope you’re still around for the journey.
One of these days I will post something that isn’t just incessant rambling, I
Lots of love,
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