I’m having an Identity Crisis lol | Blogmas Day 8

I’m having an Identity Crisis lol | Blogmas Day 8

As you may have noticed, I’m a little bit (Literally only one day) behind on Blogmas.   I have plans and schedules and I probably don’t need to be to be honest, but recently I’ve been very… Down.  In all honesty, I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.

Why?

I was talking to my housemate the other night, and I realised that both of us have really come into our own this year.  We’ve done a lot of growing and been through a lot of stuff, and in many aspects we’re actually thriving.  I’m immensely proud of the 2 of us, and my personal life isn’t the bit that I’m worried about.  I think that my current issue is that my personal life doesn’t properly align with my “internet life”.

So… You’re fake?

Not at all.  My blog is this safe haven where I’m always open and honest.  In fact, that’s why I feel so comfortable writing this here.  If you went through my life section or my personal growth section from start to finish, you can actually track my growth over the last two years.  My blog isn’t the issue, it’s more other social media… particularly Instagram.

What’s wrong with Instagram?

Since I’ve started blogging people threw around the words “algorithm” and obsessed over likes and that just wasn’t me.  It’s always been a bit of fun, and the second I feel myself being sucked into that obsessive bubble, I take a massive step back.  However, when, like me, you’ve started making money and attracting attention

I like keeping things real.  I love a posed pic and messing around with my camera and planning shoots, because there’s a cool level of artistry to it. 

I’ve never been particularly “attractive”.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not ugly or anything and I actually really like the way that I look (Most of the time), but I have enough self-awareness to know that I’m very average.  I’m never gonna be an “Instagram model” and I don’t have the time or the money to be a big Instagram blogger.  However, that was never what I wanted to do.  I just wanted to write… And then the better the deals got, the more Instagram had to become a part of that.  I feel so conflicted because all I want to do is be true to myself, post what and when I want and just get along with my life.  However, it just doesn’t really work like that.  I still post what I want, just like I did this time last year, but Instagram has decided that that’s not what they want.

Algorithm… What?

I don’t want to get into it too much, because honestly, there are way bigger things in life.  However, it’s annoying when an app decides it doesn’t want to show people, that chose to follow you and see your pics, y

Evidence:

I can track my analytics so I know what my “reach” (How many people Instagram show my photo to) is.  In January, I had 800 followers, and a reach of 500-700 people that my photos was shown to.  Now, I have 1500 followers, and Instagram, on a good day, shows my photos to 300 people. 

I try not to focus too much on numbers.  And honestly, if I didn’t have to look at Instagram as part of my “business” then I really wouldn’t care.  But it’s forcing me to care, and I don’t think it quite reflects me yet.  Which brings me onto my cunning plan…

I’m just going to focus on me.

Every cloud has a silver lining… So if Instagram won’t show anyone my posts, I will take it as an opportunity to be experimental!  I don’t lie on my Instagram or anything, but I still don’t think it reflects me as much as my blog does.  I am going to use the break from Uni and the recharge from the Christmas period to really see what’s best for me.  I need a bit of a rejig and a recharge, and I’m hoping to feel more complete.

Hope you enjoyed this word vomit – it’s something I’ve been stuck with for a while!

17 days til Christmas!

Jas xx

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