I feel like I’ve skated around the subject before… In all honesty, if you follow me on Twitter or exist in a groupchat with me, it’s not hard to put two and two together. However, it’s time I finally spoke about how bad it truly is. It’s time to talk about my sleeping pattern.
So what’s so bad about it?
I don’t know when it got this bad, but for a long time I just haven’t been able to commit to a regular night of sleep. It started back when I was super young because someone compared sleeping to death and I am deeply afraid of death and being unfeeling… Perhaps I’ll get into that at some point (But probably not… It genuinely still terrifies me). And then… I don’t know, it was just a habit I never get out of. When I was in sixth form I’d fall asleep at around 3am and be up and ready for school at 6am… Literally everyday. I could go out drinking at night and wake up earlier than I would on a sober weekend… However, now that I’m getting older (I grimaced typing that), it’s proving to be a lot harder.
I know that I’m still young and 21 isn’t old at all – I’m not trying to imply that it is. However, I can definitely see a difference in how my body handles its lack of sleep compared to how it used to.
The journey of sleep deprivation
I first noticed that this was becoming a problem in Uni. If you’ve been with my blog from the beginning, you’ll know that my first year was incredibly hard mentally, and as my mental health deteriorated so did the amount that I was sleeping. I was always bad at only sleeping 3-4 hours a night, but it got to the point where I would lie in bed all night, and then the sun would come up, it would be 7am and I wouldn’t have slept a wink yet. All nighters became such a regular thing, and it wasn’t because of last minute essays or club nights. It was literally just because I’d lie in bed for 7 hours and my body wouldn’t fall asleep… I was in way too deep.
I remember having one of my best friends visit me for a weekend in first year, and falling asleep in the middle of the day when I should have been “hosting”. Afterwards, I woke up confused and disoriented, apologising like crazy… She smiled and replied “Honestly Jas, I’m just glad you got some sleep.” (I know I mention it all the time, but I actually have the greatest friends).
Towards the end of first year, my parents and sister came to visit for the day. It just so happened to be at the peak of my all-nighter stage, so I literally hadn’t slept at all. I was fine for a few hours and keeping busy with them gave me a weird sort of energy. However, we got to the cinema and I somehow managed to fall asleep in the middle of a (really great) film. My parents practically tucked me into bed at 7:30 when they left.
How is it now?
I’m writing this post at 2:08am, does that answer your question?
In all honesty, I’m not that worried at the moment, because at the time I’ve writing this it’s still the Christmas holidays. However, I’m hoping that by the time this post goes live my sleeping pattern has improved. Last term at Uni, I found myself lying awake at 5am, even if I’d gotten into bed at 9pm. Even today, I fell asleep at 8pm and here I am at 2, wide awake. Like I said before, I’m in way too deep and I need to do a complete sleeping pattern overhaul. In fact, that’s why I’m putting it all in writing. I need some form of accountability.
What’s the plan then?
That’s where you all come into it. I have absolutely no idea. Like I said, I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, so I need all the tips and advice I can get. Over the next few months I’ll be testing and trying as many (natural – at least to start with) sleeping remedies and tips as I can and recording the process on my blog. Maybe I’ll start a “Sleep hacks” series or something, who knows? (Let me know if you’re interested in that).
Like I’ve said before, 2019 is a year of focusing on bettering myself and bringing myself joy where I can. What better way to do that than fixing one of the biggest messes in my life – my sleeping pattern?
How have you guys been sleeping and do you have any tips? Let me know in the comments!
Lots of love,