It’s no secret that I’ve gained a lot of confidence in the last 5 years or so. I went from being the awkward shy friend that socialised by latching onto my loud friends, to learning that there’s nothing stopping me from being the person out there talking for myself (Revolutionary, I know.) I’ve really learnt who I am and what that means for me, and it’s led me to come into my own. However, that doesn’t change that, at my core, I am an intrinsically awkward person. And I was recently reminded of that.
The last three years have been a constant cycle of meeting with Uni friends, home friends, blog friends and repeating. I’ve become incredibly comfortable with the people that exist in my life. Even when they’ve been new, they’ve existed in these environments that I was already become accostomed to. Therefore, I’ve been able to socialise and be my peak level of me 24/7 (When I’ve been around people I actually like).
However, that’s all over now. I still have my home friends and my blog, and I’m back in London, a place I do feel comfortable in. However, I’m doing new things. I have a new job, I’m meeting new people and I’m being reminded, all over again, that I am naturally very socially awkward when everything is new to me.
Whenever I’m around new people in an unfamiliar situation, my brain is not the kindest to me. I overanalyse how I’ll come across, I debate how much is too much to share and how much isn’t enough… I assume people dislike me before I assume that they do. It’s a recurring cycle and as much as I eventually get comfortable and open up, I’m slower to it than a lot of other people, and not everyone in life is willing to wait around for that to happen (Which I completely understand.) I’m 100% aware that, around most new people, I probably come across as either stuck up, uninteresting, or just plain boring. However, that’s just a side-effect of my whole awkward thing.
I feel like there are a lot of things that we can change ourselves. In fact, I’m always looking to “better” who I am. However, I’m trying not to stress about things that are just a part of what makes me me. Yes, I am that awkward silent girl until I feel comfortable around you and then I probably won’t stop talking. Yes, I often rethink conversations hours after I have them and think about what I could have said better. But I’ve also gotten a lot better at not caring about what people think of me, and I am more likely to laugh at my own awkwardness than I am to cry about it.
I know who I am now, and I know that I’m actually kind of alright once you get to know me (High praise, I know.) It just takes a little while to get to that point, but I’m working on it.
Hope you enjoyed this quick little patch of word vomit! It had been a while since I just threw what was in my mind on here.
Would you class yourself as an awkward person? If you’ve met me in real life, what was your first impression? Let me know below!
Lots of love,
Hey, I'm Jasmine Burke. A girl in her twenties fresh out of Uni that's trying to write in any way that she can. I go under the branch of "lifestyle" but honestly, you can find pretty much anything on here.
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